The spirit of Christmas shines through in one of the worst movies ever made: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Shot on a shoestring budget on Long Island, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians has developed a rabid cult following over the years.
In case you aren’t aware of the movie, here is the basic “plot” (such as it is): Santa Claus gets “kidnaped” (sic) by distraught martians (guys with bad green makeup and a few dishwasher parts glued to their heads and very fancy capes), who want to rescue their depressive, antisocial children from the doldrums by giving them all toys and a big red-suited guy with a beard to laugh at… err… with. Santa adapts to life on Mars very well and starts cranking out the toys with the help of push-button Martian machines, but political controversies surrounding his activities soon threaten the fabric of Martian Society.
Campy and cheesy and cheaply produced sure, but still a great movie nonetheless. The special effects are on par with any Ed Wood movie - this includes a Robot made from a cardboard box with dials drawn on, a man dressed up in a polar bear suit with visible clothes underneath and a spaceship that looks like a toilet paper dispenser. Pia Zadora plays Girmar, one of the Martian children, in her screen debut.
The most painful thing about this movie is the bone-rattling, but very catchy, theme song written by Roy Alfred & Milton Delugg (you’ve heard that name before, of course - as in Milton DeLugg and His Band With A Thug on The Gong Show) called “Hooray For Santa Claus” (though it’s listed in the credits as “Horray For Santa Claus“). This theme song is one of the most annoying songs ever recorded. The kids who sang this song pronounced the title character’s name as “Santy Claus”… Then, to show that someone on the crew could properly formulate words, they spelled the name as “S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S,” but then pronounced it “Santy Claus.”
LISTEN TO MP3:
DOWNLOAD:
Milton_Delugg_-_Hooray_For_Santa_Claus.mp3
The movie has fallen into public domain, so you can buy it on DVD
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This “song” makes me want to cry out in Dr. Smith like fashion - Oh the pain! The Pain!