How do Wookiees entertain themselves? Why is Grandpa Wookiee named “Itchy”? What is the warm, cuddly side of Han Solo? What would a love scene between Bea Arthur and Harvey Korman look like? What type of virtual reality porn do wookies prefer? Why would an imperial bad guy (or anyone else) watch Jefferson Starship for 10 minutes? What are the lyrics to the “Star Wars” theme song? And what would they sound like if Princess Leia sang them? These questions (and more) are raised by the Star Wars Holiday Special.
In May 1978, the Star Wars phenomenon was at its height, and someone at 20th Century Fox suggested to Lucasfilm that they cash in on allow the creation of a Star Wars themed holiday special. George Lucas liked the idea, and sat down with the show’s producers and penned a basic story outline for the television special.
It is Life Day, a holiday that is celebrated on Chewbacca’s home planet Kashyyyk (This being ‘A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away’ there can’t be a Christmas). Chewie and Han Solo are racing across the galaxy to get to Chewie’s home planet where Chewie’s family (his father Itchy, his wife Malla, and his proto-Ewok son Lumpy) is waiting for him, but the empire is out searching for the rebels, and generally giving everyone a hard time.
While we are waiting for Chewie, we get a look at the everyday life of a Wookiee family. The Wookiees are nothing short of nauseating. Chewie’s wife gushes over a picture of him and is forever scolding Chewie’s son Lumpy who always whines, disobeys and aggravates his mother. Thus for about 20 minutes we have Malla in an apron making ‘HHHWAARPPPPHH!’ and ‘WHHUUUURRRRRRNGKKK’ noises at her son for not tidying up his room (without any subtitles). The most annoying Wookiee character is Itchy, a very old Wookiee with a serious underbite and a perverse fixation on Diahann Carroll, who plays a character credited as “Holographic Wow.” He’s given a gift for Life Day that offers Itchy a vision of Carroll superimposed on something that looks like a dirty bathtub drain. He gets so excited at one point that he begins beating the chair arm rapidly with his fist and gets excited in a way that must have had at least some parents shielding their kids’ eyes
Near the end of the show, (which after 2 hours doesn’t seem to arrive soon enough) Chewbacca takes the stage and C-3PO and R2-D2 suddenly appear, along with Luke, Leia, and finally Han. Leia (Carrie Fisher) gives a short speech on the meaning of Life Day and sings a song in celebration, “A Day To Celebrate” (sung to the tune of the Star Wars theme). That night, the Wookiee family all sits at the family table, feasting to celebrate the day and being back together again.
The Star Wars Holiday Special was broadcast only once on Friday, November 17, 1978 on CBS-TV from 8:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.. Produced with a coke budget of a little over a million dollars, which at the time was one of the most expensive TV specials of its kind, it has never been reaired or officially released on video. It has been widely bootlegged by fans, many of whom consider it ironically hilarious or kitschy.
Guest stars from the original motion picture include Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker); Harrison Ford (Han Solo); Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia); Anthony Daniels (C3PO); Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca); R2D2 (played by R2D2); and the voice of James Earl Jones as Darth Vader. It’s shocking they appear at all, and look thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Interplanetary guests are Beatrice Arthur as the proprietor of the Mos Eisley cantina; Art Carney, as an other-worldly door-to-door salesman; The Jefferson Starship; Harvey Korman in variety of overly weird personalities, including Chef Gormaanda, “The Julia Child of the Milky Way,” and Diahann Carroll singing an original composition. Bob Mackie is credited with the overall costume design; Stan Winston, Tom Burman and Ellis Burman for the Wookie costumes; the Chewbacca costume was designed by Stuart Freeborn and Cantina Masks by Rick Baker and Freeborn. Writing credits belong to Bruce Vilanch (among others).
Chewie’s family isn’t the most repulsive thing in this mess. That award goes to Harvey Korman who plays three ungainly characters, one more jaw-droppingly awful than the last. First, he plays a rather odd looking female robotic chef who hosts a cooking show and gets a little excited when she gets to the part where she is suppose to stir and whip at the same time (the mixture that is). The second is the most bizarre, a robotic instructor who gives Lumpy instructions on how to put an electronic device together and malfunctions in ways that just shouldn’t be seen on television. The third is a strange creature who drinks through a hole in the top of his head and has a fixation on Bea Arthur, the bartender at the cantina (which on a tv budget looks a lot like a diner with some guys with halloween masks). Bea Arthur has to get everyone out because the Empire has imposed a curfew. How does she clear the place? She sings a very, very long Kurt Weil-esque song!
There was probably about enough plot here for a 30 minute network special (with lots of commercial breaks). However, that would not be long enough to cash in on the franchise for the fans, so, the viewer has to endure 20 minutes of Wookiee-speak, which goes nowhere, uninspired dance numbers, which go nowhere… and Bea Arthur singing, which might go somewhere we don’t want to know about…. The fact is, amazingly little actually happens during this thing’s excruciatingly long running time. Try to imagine the worst 70s sit-coms, the Solid Gold dancers, a Filmation cartoon, and the Carol Burnett show all tossed into the Star Wars universe and you may get an inkling of what to expect.
George Lucas has rarely commented on or even acknowledged its existence, except to friends and co-workers. Generally, however, he obviously holds a very low opinion of it. At one Australian fan convention he said “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it.” When interviewed many years later Carrie Fisher pretended not to know what the journalist was talking about when the subject of the holiday special was mentioned.
Musical Director Ian Fraser utilized the John Williams theme music from the motion picture for this song. Carrie Fisher, resplendent in her bedlinen-and ‘cinnamon bun’ hairdo, warbles “A Day To Celebrate,” to the gathering of Wookiees and their human and droid friends.
We celebrate a day of peace,
a day of harmony,
a day of joy we can all share together joyously;
a day that takes us through the darkness,
a day that leads us into might,
a day that makes us want to celebrate the light;
a day that brings the promise that one day we’ll be free…
to live,
to laugh,
to dream,
to grow,
to trust,
to love,
to be!
LISTEN TO MP3:
DOWNLOAD:
Carrie_Fisher_-_A_Day_To_Celebrate.mp3
Here you can view the full movie in 2 parts (if you dare):
PART ONE:
PART TWO:
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Bravo! You have really picked a bad one here. I’m glad you aren’t limiting yourself to the “traditional” holiday tunes, and I really enjoy your commentary.
Carrie Fisher readily admits that she was coked for 1/2 of this entire experience… maybe this is why she sounds better than Bea Arthur!